Through meditating consistently and deeply over time, many
friends and I have found more peace within ourselves and our interactions with
others. Yet emotional stirrings come up, and probably will until we become
fully enlightened. When I meditate with full surrender in that moment of
intensity, I often forget what was bothering me by the end of the meditation.
However, sometimes the feelings do not go away or they come up again. In those repeated situations
I wonder if God wants us to play out the karma through our emotional and human
life. Either way, this past weekend in a program called The Gift of Conflict my eyes were opened up to a clear
understanding of other tools and knowledge to utilize to overcome our
agitations.
The first premise to start with is that your outer world
reflects your inner world. You have probably heard the phrase "like
attracts like." Maybe you heard the idea that we manifest or magnetize to
ourselves whatever we think in our head or vibrate in our being. Do you ever
notice how the plants in your home thrive when there is joy and peace in the
home or wither when there is sadness or anger? My indoor plant completely died
when my mother passed away. Maybe you have seen the results of Dr. Emoto's
experiments on how the shape of water molecules changes depending on the emotion
of the word pasted to that jar of water. Researcher Michael Tellinger captivated
me when he showed aerial photographs of many cities and archeological sites
next to circuit boards. They looked exactly the same! So often a microcosm and
macrocosm of the world shows up revealing the interconnectedness of everything.
How many times have you expressed a discomfort in someone's
actions to them and they replied with the same concern about you? I believe we
are all mirrors for each other. There are no accidents. There is always a hint
of truth inside ourselves for anything that shows up in our life.
Through the exercises in The
Gift of Conflict people were repeatedly realizing they were feeling what
their partner feels and their partner was feeling what they were feeling. Even
when people were working with complete strangers the same things came up that
would frequently come up in their lives. At a certain point I started to forget
who was who because we all felt and wanted the same things. It was as if the
others played the role of my voice to reveal something in myself I had not
recognized, accepted, or clarified yet. The next time you want to accuse
someone else of acting in a way that bothers you, ask yourself if there is any
piece of you who acts that way as well.
Sonika and Christian, the couple who lead The Gift of Conflict, stated they never
finalize a decision until both of them are 100% comfortable with the solution
they created. In one of their examples they rolled up a towel and played a tug
of war game while each stated their point of view. Christian had done a lot of
research to find the best website development company to meet their needs. The
price was $10,000. Sonika did not want to spend that much on a website.
They could have kept tugging the towel back and forth
stating their case. Instead Sonika admitted she would like a really good
website as well and Christian realized he would also rather not spend that much
money. They laid the towel out in front of them and put the question in the air
on top of it. Realizing they were both speaking the other's feelings and they
were still in conflict on what the resolution should be, they waited.
Very soon after this discussion a friend of Christian's told
him about a course you can take to choose a good and cheap website developer
from the Philippines. He took the course, hired a guy from the Philippines, and
got a lot more service then just the website for much less money. There was
something in both of them that stayed in confusion because the better solution
had not revealed itself yet. Sometimes coming together, realizing the “we” in
the situation, and being patient can produce even better results than
originally expected.
Knowing all of this means you never need to take the victim
stance nor hold all the blame again. After the weekend ended I was quite
disappointed to realize all the things I needed to work on in myself that I had
complained existed in others. I also relaxed into knowing not everything is my
fault. It takes two to tango. I then had a flash of all the recent moments
people's tone of voice seemed to express anger towards me for something I did.
I all of a sudden had a new sense of love and connection with all of them
realizing they probably want to be able to do what I did as well. Or all they
really wanted was to feel my love and connection with them. We are all so much
more alike than we think. We are all in this game of life together revealing
ourselves through each other.
To take this one step further… I felt my tango partners had
revealed what I needed to work on and it was time to go back to the solo dance.
To work through those inner challenges and raise my vibration. To offer these
challenges up to God. To remember my inner world reflects my outer world.
If we change ourselves we can create the potential to help change
others and magnetize to ourselves an environment vibrating at our new
frequency. Through the butterfly effect, if we heal ourselves, we can heal the
world. Then the whole world is united in one tango dance.
To help detach yourself from conflict, here is an online course
offering a Free Introduction to Meditation.
To help understand and gain tools to manage conflict, here
is more information on the weekend workshop The Gift of Conflict.
And for fun, my friend Mirabai dancing The Blindfold Tango.
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